Our path to Bogota was a 6am red eye flight from London with a connection at Madrid. The motorcycle was making its own way via airfreight. All very easy you may think for a couple of seasoned travellers like Susan and me. You would think so?

We had no checked luggage and our first issue was passing through the security gate boarding pass scanner. Using electronic boarding passes on our phones, we were rejected several times. Eventually, we accept the advice from the machine and contacted a British Airways assistant. She got on her computer, sorted out some visa questions and said we were good to go. Back to the scanner.

I breezed through, scan, photo, in a competent confident manner and waited on Susan. Scan scan scan – she couldn’t get through. Even after some good advice and tut tutting from myself she still couldn’t get through. It was embarrassing for me and I rolled my eyes when the security guard beckoned her over to his computer.

He checked her boarding pass and I looked over his shoulder and I could see a page full of attempts to scan. I rolled my eyes again. ‘How many times have you scanned this?’ he asked. ‘Just a few’ she replied. Just a few? – the guy had obviously never seen so many attempts. Regardless, he sorted it and she was allowed through. Thank goodness. It was a bit too early for Susan to quit this adventure.

As we were about to board the plane at the gate and pass through the final security check I again brought up the boarding pass on my phone. Actually I had 2 passes – Susan’s and my own! You see I always download both passes to my phone and transfer Susan a copy.

As realisation was dawning on my face Susan was reading my thoughts telepathically. There was no denying it and I had to confess, ‘I think I’ve scanned myself through the first security barrier as you’. There were now two Susans about to board this plane! Susan was not amused!

I briefly considered trying the same again to make it all balance up. There’s some logic to it – 2 Susans through the Security Barrier and 2 Susans board the plane. Nice and neat.

Fortunately, I found some commonsense and, at the next barrier, I scanned my own boarding pass and it took my photo. Did it stop me and ask how I got through security to the boarding gate? Did it ask Susan why her photo had changed from a man to a woman? Of course it didn’t and we both walked smoothly onto the plane like the competent travellers we pretend to be 🙂

On the flight from Heathrow to Madrid we were flying business class on short haul. At 0645hrs Susan went right up in my estimation. She was the only passenger on the whole plane that ordered alcohol! ‘Coffee for me’ I asked followed by ‘Bloody Mary for me please’ from Susan! It may only have been one small miniature vodka but that deserves some holiday respect!

So when we landed at Madrid I’m going to lay the blame on Susan’s drinking for what happened next. We landed Terminal 1 and briefly looked at our boarding passes and read Bogota Terminal 4.

We didn’t pre-plan or discuss the transfer from T1 to T4 – we just took it all in our compacent stride. Or maybe I should say my complacent stride. Anyway I had to take charge because after all, Susan had been drinking. So I checked a digital board and it said Bogota T4. Honestly, I think it did. Who are you gonna believe ‘drinking Susan’ or ‘sober Clif’? I ask you?

We had a 2 hour window before the next flight and to get to T4 we had to pass through immigration and board a transit shuttle. Well the immigration queue was at least an hour and that was very optimistic. So I brought all my charm to play on a security guard and talked our way onto an express queue. I didn’t even have to deploy my trump card – my wife has recently had a hip operation and may need a wheelchair. Yes I know I am swinging it using the word ‘recently’ for February but who’s to know.

So we were through the express immigration in a jiffy, passports stamped and downstairs onto the rail shuttle. We were officially in Spain. As we were standing waiting on the shuttle departure ‘drinking Susan’ looked at the boarding passes I had. ‘I think we’re leaving from T1 and not T4’ she said without slurring even though she had been drinking.

Now by this time my confidence was shot because I, technically, may be still travelling as a Susan so when the real Susan called for us to jump off the train I did so without question, holding the doors open as they closed on us.

So there we were in Spain and needed to get back through immigration, to T1, and leave Spain. I approached a Border Guard, explained our predicament. He referred me to his handsome young sergeant and with professional ease we were escorted back out of Spain and our passport stamps cancelled. I’m currently writing to the Guinness Book of Records for consideration for an award for the shortest entry-exit to a country.

After the sergeant (handsome young man) got us through the border he asked to see our boarding passes. He said we needed to ask the Info Desk downstairs as to how to get to T4 for our Bogota flight. Even he was wrongly reading the boarding pass – it appears it’s an easy thing for a handsome guy to do!

After all that myself and drinking Susan settled into our 10 hour flight to Bogotá. By this time I needed a drink or two myself. Hola.

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