It only seems yesterday that Susan stepped off the motorbike in Buenos Aires, smiled pleasantly at me and thought to herself ‘never ever will I do that again’.

That said, Susan has a track record of ‘never ever agains’ – she said it in St John’s after cycling across Canada; she said it in Sydney; she said it in San Diego.

So it’s really no surprise, 16 months later, we find her climbing onto the back of the motorbike thinking to herself ‘what the f*ck am I doing?’.

What’s the plan I hear you ask? What’s ‘never ever’ Susan signed up for? Well just hold on just a minute please. Let’s start this story at the beginning with an important update – I’ve got a new helmet!

I’m quite sure the fashionistas amongst you will appreciate I’m sporting the latest model.

Now I’m not posting a photo of Susan as she doesn’t have a new helmet to show you. Quite frankly, she’s not looked after her current one. It’s suffered a few dents and scrapes and until she learns to keep her head off the ground when I drop the bike then that’s just the way it has to stay.

I have also bought myself a BOom BOom Vest. Here’s a photo of myself modelling one.

Now I know what you’re thinking ‘new helmet heid’ is wearing a support bra!

Come on now. Be serious! Let’s not turn this motorcycle fashion show into a farce! This is a actually an important piece of safety kit.

BOom (the unexpected accident happens)

BOom the vest automatically inflates in milliseconds, helping protect chest, back and shoulders. Well that’s the theory.

Technically, it’s called an air safety vest but I’m helping you understand how it works. I’m a kind of nursery school communicator and I know you appreciate it. And yes of course ‘never ever’ Susan has BOom BOom vest even though she was ‘never ever’ getting back on that bloody bike!

So where’s ‘big helmet heid’ with his BOom BOom bra and ‘never ever’ Susan landed this time?

Well I will give you a clue – I’ve brought her to the most important canal in the world! You hear that? The most important canal in the world! Panama! I’ve only gone and delivered a sensational holiday location again!

So what’s the plan ‘big helmet heid’?

Well the plan is to motorcycle from here to up there ☝️. Yup ‘big helmet heid’ is going to make ‘never ever’ Susan suffer all the way to Anchorage in Alaska. Look nobody ‘never ever’ said I was a nice guy!

You should be able to look under the ”menu’ button item thing on the blog page and see an item thing with some maps of the route. I hope it works. I’ve haven’t quite skilled up enough on this blogging thing.

As if that’s not enough we’re going back down from Anchorage to Vancouver to fly home in mid July. In total we should travel 11,500 miles, roughly about the same distance as our South American trip.

So that’s the synopsis of our journey. I hope you’ve enjoyed this update on my new gear and yes I understand everyone wants to see a photo of ‘never ever’ Susan just to prove she’s actually here with me.

Well here she is from her best angle. Believe me I’m not kidding – you should just see the scraped paintwork at the back!

Happy now? Yes she’s actually here in Panama City. It just goes to prove that you should never ever say ‘never ever’. Isn’t that right Susan?

• Central America
• Panama