‘Oh no big helmet heid, I really hope you’re not going to bang on about that clutch again. Surely Jesus fixed it and you’re now on the road to salvation?’

Listen, we’re in this together and when I have an issue it’s a shared issue. So, unfortunately, until this bloody clutch is fixed, it’s our problem. My sincerest apologies.

Let’s temporarily change the subject and start with some positivity – after 14 days in Nicaragua, we’re crossing the border into Honduras! That’s 10 days later than our schedule.

Leaving Nicaragua wasn’t easy. They added a tariff for the bike to leave. To even enter the Nicaraguan Immigration hall we had to pay $1 each. In Central America it’s pay, pay, pay to cross the borders. So I’ve written to Trump to tell him not to miss the Nicaraguan’s.

Getting into Honduras wasn’t easy. Susan sat on the floor eating Ritz crackers, sharing the space with stray dogs. I sweated buckets dealing with customs, using Mr Google Translate to obtain the temporary import permit. I smiled and waited and smiled and waited.

Here’s a photo of the Honduras immigration and customs building.

I was drained by the time we left the immigration and customs. Susan remarked, I kid you not, ‘that wasn’t so bad’. Oh, I just had to laugh. She did say she felt a bit uncomfortable as the stray dogs eyed her sitting on the floor with biscuits. What a princess!

Now where were we? – oh, yes we’re in Honduras!

Do you know we had to travel to London to get a visa to enter Honduras and they charged us for it. So I’ve written to Trump and told him not to miss Honduras either!

We stayed one night in Honduras and moved onto El Salvador. Another border crossing. Not so bad this time. Easy exit and the customs entry was fine because a nice guy helped us through the process. Overall, it was fine and no extortion. I’ve written to Trump to tell him hands off the El Salvadorans.

We headed for San Miguel, Honduras, and as we approached the city over the mountains, the clutch slipped and slipped. Nowhere near as bad as before and we could still make progress. But it wasn’t great.

I was a wreck by the time we got to our hotel as I was fearful of it giving out altogether. A break down on the mountain roads of El Salvador isn’t something I could cope with. Well, you know what I mean. I would have coped because I’ve got to cope. I just didn’t want to be tested. Not this day. Please.

We had one option the following day – we would go to the BMW motorcycle garage in San Salvador. Hopefully we’re not delayed too many days as our schedule is suffering.

That night we shared a pizza hut. Do you want to see a photo of Pizza Hut? What do you mean, ‘no thanks Clif, just move on with the story’.

Have you ever seen a pizza hut under an active volcano?

I thought not. Chalk up another point to me.

The following morning we were rolling by 0715.

It was only a 100 miles or so and we made good progress as I massaged the clutch over the mountains. After the fainting melodrama, I constantly monitor the princess on the back and we stopped at a gas station after an hour.

Into San Salvador was a bit of struggle for the bike and we headed straight to the BMW garage. The last few miles were over very steep city back roads and the clutch got worse as the temperature rose. The traffic was chaos like you wouldn’t believe.

We reached BMW. Wonderful. Happy. RELAX!

The lady in reception spoke good English and immediately give us bottled water. We stripped off our outer jackets and bathed in the air conditioning. Made it! We bloody well made it! RELAX!

Everything is going to be alright.

I explained the problem to the lady in reception. She smiled. She looked helpful. ‘Yes, well I’m sure the workshop can look at it’. Wonderful. RELAX.

Everything is going to be alright.

‘Its just that you’re at the showroom and the workshop is a few miles away’

‘whimper, whimper, whimper’ – that’s me crumbling.

We get our gear back on and staff come out the showroom to stop the traffic so we can leave the BMW garage. The traffic is that bad. Thanks guys.

We follow the sat nav through the city and after 20 minutes reach the workshop. I’m full of trepidation as to what happens next.

I ride right up the service ramp and park where I probably shouldn’t park. I know this but I’m setting out my position – this bike is going nowhere until you sort it. So there!

I’m immediately greated by Fernando. ‘How can we help you?’. What a nice smiling man.

I explain the issue as he ushers us into the reception and he immediately summons for a technician to look at the bike.

It’s jackets off, bottled water and bathing in the air con. RELAX.

Everything is going to be alright.

Here’s a happy cool princess.

As the technician takes the bike for a spin, I’m given a tour of the complex by Fernando, who it transpires is the BMW Service Manager. What a guy!

We also meet Armando and Paula. Originally from Portugal but now living in Texas, they are travelling with two other riders en route to Panama.

Armando is a bit of a mechanic and he offered to strip the bike in the car park and fix the clutch for free. He thought there was air in the clutch fluid.

Of course I politely declined. I was not bouncing this bike from granny’s garage to a BMW car park to be repaired. This time the bike was going treated properly in the care of the professionals.

One day I want my bike to have as much travel character as Armando’s. That’s how an adventure bike should look.

Paula said she liked the aluminium cases on their bike as they’re good protection when she falls off. With Armando listening, Paula rolled her eyes when I asked how often she fell off. Ah, she has so much in common with Susan!

The technician confirms the clutch is needing attention and there’s oil leaking from seal. Here’s the bike in the service area.

The technician confirms Josias had indeed fitted the discos correctly. Nevertheless, the technician refitted the discos, retightened the springs and bolts to make sure everything was going to be alright.

Further examination found my hand guard was bent following my Humpty Dumpty fall and was now, ever so slightly, touching the clutch lever. Nice spot professional technician because lots of bikers have had a pull on my clutch over the last few weeks and nobody spotted that. Suffice to say I hadn’t either!

New oil and a bit of work on the clutch fluid hydraulics and everything was going to be okay. We were sorted. Hear that – the clutch saga is well and truly sorted. Well at least until I rip the arse out of this one!

We were given a BMW courtesy driver to take us and our panniers to our hotel as the bike had to rest for a few hours for the oil seal to cure. I was then picked up at 5pm by another BMW courtesy driver and taken back to the garage. Susan declined to go with me. Tonight there’s no Susan in this team.

Unfortunately, the few miles in San Salvador’s rush hour took us nearly two hours to get to garage. I texted Fernando to say I didn’t want the garage to be closed as I needed the bike that night. He replied ‘don’t worry’. RELAX.

Everything is going to be alright.

We arrived at a BMW garage in total darkness. My bike was sitting at the front.

As I alighted from the courtesy car, all the garage lights came on and Fernando stepped out the reception area. He had waited 90 minutes after closing time for me. What a guy!

‘There was so something in the air that night’

The garage lights were bright, Fernando

‘They were shining there for you and me’

‘For liberty, Fernando’

Yes liberty – we’re finally free to continue our journey without fretting about the clutch. Sweet.

The following morning we were up early and on the road to Guatemala. The clutch was great.

Unfortunately we had a hell of a day.

Everything was not going to be alright.

• Adventure motorcycle
• BMW 1250 GSA
• Central America
• Do Salvador
• Motorcycle
• San Salvador