Our cycle into Houston was relatively okay. The traffic was okay, the weather was okayish and we had an okay Walmart across the road from our motel. That means okay food for dinner.

Our motel is strategically placed 7 miles south of the city center and 7 miles north of the Johnson Space Center. I realise I’ve spelt the word ‘centre’ wrong but we’re in America and so we do as the Americans do – it’s only polite.

We contemplated a city center hotel but they invariably have an issue with storing the bike. Yes, you can have car valet parking at $45 a pop but ask for somewhere safe for the bike and there’s lots of head scratching. In New Orleans we had to fold the bike, take the elevator and store it in the doorway of our room. We don’t really mind but it’s not ideal.

Houston is just a big city and I really couldn’t distinguish it from many others. I did, however, have in the ‘Flying Saucer Draught Emporium’ on Main Street, the best beer I’ve had in America, to date. Recommended by the barman it was a Saint Arnold (local Houston craft brewer) Octoberfest. After all the ordinary beer I nearly fell off my bar stool – I just wasn’t expecting it.

Now, I would qualify this remark by saying whilst we’re cycling I do my beer shopping at gas stations and they do sell some craft beer in six packs. Yes, I’m a beer drinking man but I challenge any of you to drink six beers when Susan’s staring at you because we’re cycling tomorrow!

Here’s a couple of Houston building pics just in case you’re into tall buildings.

Now everyone’s into space and exploration and our visit the next day was to the NASA Johnson Space Centre. This is the place where astronauts train, moon landings were controlled and space shuttles were developed. This is the place of heroes.

This is the Mercury-Redstone rocket that propelled the first American, Al Shepard, into space. It’s not a big rocket and the bravery of astronauts is astounding. Fired 101 miles into the air at 5,000 miles an hour and landing 236 miles downrange. I even get a fright when a particularly large firework goes off! Imagine strapping a Mercury-Redstone to your ass and waving goodbye to the world for a few minutes! Incredible.

Now we move onto the Shuttle that was discontinued in 2011.

And here’s the Orion that will one day take us to Mars.

Yes, yes that’s just the Command Module – they’re still developing the big bloody rocket that will send it into the skies.

And now here’s the guy who’s eventually going to replace us all. This is Robonaut and his pal is already in the International Space Station helping the astronauts.

So get on with the house chores or you may find your wife/husband/partner has replaced you with the latest Robonaut in a few years time.  All you slackers out there have been warned!  Alas, I’m sorry to say I know I’m on a sticky wicket as Susan asked the man in charge if Robonaut could pedal!  He can also probably write a better blog than this.  Damn, I’m in trouble!

So that was Houston – great big buildings, great beer, great space heroes and Robonaut who’s gonna kick you out the house. Kind of more than okay really.

It’s not been easy.

At times we’ve had to eat McDonalds twice a day. At times the wheels and tyres have failed. At times the roads have been hellish, the sun has been unbearable and the rain has beat down on our poor tired, old bodies. However, the American people have been super friendly, we have never run out of Woodford Reserve Kentucky Bourbon and the beer is improving. Things are just great.

Leaving Orange, we had a short 37 mile cycle to Beaumont. We were glad it was short for the rain fell like a tap was turned on. Visibility on the road was poor and it wasn’t long before we were having our second breakfast of cheeseburger, apple pie and coffee – that’s our standard mid morning order.

Now we love McD’s. Its not as good as Tim Horton’s in Canada because Timmy’s had donuts and cyclists love donuts. We struggle to get donuts down here. All we see is the ‘donut palace’ and believe me it’s not a palace! Where do all the police officers get their donuts? Don’t tell me they don’t eat donuts. I’ve seen them – they eat donuts!

Now I mentioned previously (Louisiana Roadlife) about our two most scary cycles in the world. Well straight in at number one is a new scary cycle – the ‘Rainbow Bridge’. Please forgive the quality of the photo but I had to zoom in, its raining pretty hard and we’re on a hard shoulder with trucks passing at light speed. However, as you can see it didn’t look like a bloody rainbow!

Built in 1936 to allow the tallest American warship of the time (USS Patoka) to pass below and whilst the USS Patoka never did go under the bridge, 82 years later that practical decision had unpractical consequences for us.

Now Susan hates cycling over such bridges – remember she has already had a nightmare (some say it might be a prophetic vision) about being ‘catapulted’ over the edge. So she adopts a positive approach and says ‘well then let’s go’. On the other hand I’m thinking ‘wait, slow down lets think about this’. To be honest I’m thinking ‘f****s sake’!

You see it has no hard shoulder, a slope like a roller coaster and reduced visibility with the spray. The barrier wall on the near side is two foot tall – yes you’re already thinking what I was thinking – just the right height for someone to be catapulted over!

Now I don’t recall a time when I’ve ever been so reluctant to take something like this on. It really was pretty scary. Susan, of course, was trying to be positive and helpful but is that what you need at a time like this? Was she weighing up the risks or just looking through them? I will give her the benefit of the doubt and say she was being brave and I was just being a ‘big Jessie’. Honestly, it was borderline terrifying.

So we went for it. As soon as the bike hits the mountainous slope our speed slows to 6 mph though we pedal as hard as we can. The traffic comes at us in waves and I take the centre position of the inside lane – if you keep to the side the cars will pass within inches and that bloody side wall was too low to risk a swerve to the right.

The roadway was in sections and connected by steel teeth with gaps that will take out a bicycle wheel. I pick the spot to cross each section but that’s not so bad as, by this time, we are down to 4mph and the legs are burning. The rain continues to come down in sheets and the trucks appear behind through the rain mist in my rear view mirror. I watch every single one to make sure they pull out in time. That said, we have no escape option as we’re now 180 feet over the water.

When we crest the top that’s the time to push harder because that’s when we’re most vulnerable. As we climb the cars and trucks can, hopefully, see our bike (with its three rear lights) from a distance back. As soon as we go over the crest of the top we disappear and the first thing a driver sees as they go over the top is an almost stationary bicycle. I don’t think we have ever pedalled so hard.

The drivers were great and moved out into the outside lane and gave us lots of room. There was one ‘deadneck’ who sounded his horn and I still had enough strength to give him the two fingered salute. No mate we didn’t want to be there either!

Susan didn’t get ‘catapulted’ over the edge and we survived the ‘Rainbow Bridge’. She still doesn’t talk about the bridge but she has recently been taking more than a fair share of my Woodford Reserve Kentucky Bourbon. I’m an understanding kind of guy though.

After that the cycle to Houston was pretty uneventful. Oh, apart from our puncture resistant front tyre having a puncture and the front brake leaking oil. And did I mention the category 3 thunderstorm where we had to take shelter from forked lightning? That’s as a cue for a picture of that brave soldier, Susan.

And then here’s the both of us.

Finally, here’s our dinner last night in Dayton, Texas.

Yes guys we’re in a gas station again. That’s a beef burrito and I’m sitting looking at a beer fridge! That’s my definition of ‘fine dining’!

We have now reached Houston, Space City, from where the famous, inspiring American Apollo missions were controlled.

Houston is, however, also referred to as the ‘energy capital’ of the world because of its innovation in oil and gas. That said, Susan and I are not surprised by this next fact – Texas emits more greenhouses gases than any other American state and also higher than all but six countries in the world! Over the last couple of days we’ve cycled passed so much petroleum refining and chemical manufacturing plants. We can taste the air as we cycle.

But we’re in the Space Capital of the world and its only fitting we leave with some space quotes. Yes, yes I know the most famous is ‘one small step’ but here’s the best of the rest.

‘Anyone who sits on top of the largest hydrogen-oxygen fuelled system in the world, knowing they’re going to light the bottom, and doesn’t get a little worried does not fully understand the situation’ John Young, after being asked if he was nervous about making the first Space Shuttle flight in 1981.

‘I didn’t feel like a giant, I felt very very small’ Neil Armstrong on looking back at the Earth from the Moon in 1969.

And finally,

‘From out there on the Moon, international politics looks so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘look at that, you son of a bitch’ Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 astronaut.

All American heroes. Nuff said.

Relax! The title doesn’t mean that Susan has finally had enough and left me to carry on by myself 🙂 We’ve actually now arrived in Texas – the Lone Star state.

Why is it known as the Lone Star State you’re asking yourself. And if you’re not asking yourself this question then you’ve got to ask yourself why you’re not asking this question because its the question on everyone else’s lips. Come on, stay with me and I will tell you about the Alamo.

In the 1820’s, Texas was actually part of Mexico and was settled by around 300 American families. They were encouraged there by the Mexican dictator of the time to create a buffer zone between Mexico and the Comanche tribe.

In time, the Texan Americans and the Mexicans didn’t see eye to eye. Cultural differences – don’t quote me but I believe it was largely down to the Americans wanting to put ketchup on their Mexican food. They’re still putting it on everything today!

So the Mexicans sent a 5,000 strong army to sort out the rag tag Texan revolutionaries who were ensconced in the Alamo. 187 Texans, including Jim Bowie (bowie knife) and Davy Crocket, held out for 13 days but were eventually defeated and killed in the Mexican victory.

If you want to get a true life movie version of the Alamo story then it has to be the 1960 John Wayne movie ‘The Alamo’. Directed and produced by Big John, starring Big John as Davy Crocket and, wait for it, Richard Widmark as Jim Bowie. Movie gold!

Such was the American outrage, people flocked to Texas to support the cause and the American army, under the command of Sam Houston (now you know where the city name comes from), quickly defeated the Mexicans. Texas was now an independent country and for 9 years thereafter the Lone Star flag flew over the Republic.

Here’s us entering Texas – we didn’t have time to muck about with a selfie of the two of us so here’s something better.

Oh I know you’re missing your pictures of Susan, the poor wee soldier who pedals us across continents and puts up with me at the same time. So here’s your Susan picture to even it up.

What’s she doing I hear you ask? Well she’s certainly not fixing the bloody puncture cause that’s my job. She’s adding some interest to a picture that would otherwise just be a bike lying on its side.

What happened? Well, we were leaving Kinder at the beginning of our 77 miles to Orange when the tyre blew. Not just the inner tube but the sidewall of the tyre ripped and went with a whoosh.

Now please bear with me at this point as I’m going to go into a little detail for people that know about tyres. They’re kind of tyre fetish people. If you don’t care about tyres then look at the picture of Susan with forlorn sadness on her face and just skip a couple of paragraphs.

We’ve been using Schwalbe Big Apple tyres on the tandem and they’re ideally suited to the bike – they just ‘roll’ really well with a couple of lardies. Unfortunately, they’re not the hardest wearing of tyres. Incidentally, after four front wheel punctures we had changed the front tyre for a Continental Contact Plus Travel in New Orleans. Doesn’t roll as well but it has better puncture resistance. We left the Big Apple on the rear.

This morning the rear Big Apple went just like Eve had taken a bite out of it. Now in the Big Apple’s defence let me say that the roads in America are littered with all sorts of detritus. In Australia we really just came across dead kangaroos. Here in America I have to weave my way along the hard shoulder through odd bits of tyre, metal and wood. America clean up your roads!

The tyre was a gonner but, thankfully, we carry a spare. We smiled and the world was brighter. The rear tyre has now been replaced with a Schwalbe Marathon Supreme and this tyre is tougher than Charlton Heston. I could use a more modern movie star but I’m trying to be relevant to the people who read this blog 🙂

After the tyre was changed we had a great cycle to Orange and across the Texan border. The weather is decidedly cooler now. It won’t last but the skies are overcast and it’s in the mid 80’s F. We’re loving it.

After a great few days in NOLA it was good to be back on the road again so we could get to bed at a reasonable time – it’s back to our usual routine of rising at 0545hrs and lights out at 2100hrs.

Leaving NOLA was rather quite pleasant. Early morning traffic was light and there are a reasonable amount of bicycle lanes in the city centre.  We use Google maps in cities as it generally gives good suggestions for cycle routes through quiet neighbourhoods.  This morning we passed many ‘shotgun houses’ which consist of three to five rooms in a row with no hallway. It was a very popular style in American south after the Civil War and is said reference the idea that if all the doors were opened you could fire a shotgun cleanly from front to back.

Out of the city, we followed a fantastic cycle route along the top of a Mississippi River levee for 30 miles or so towards Laplace. What a great day of traffic free, trouble free cycling.

Tonight, however, is now three days later so just where are the Wallies now?

The Wallies are now 212 miles further down the road from NOLA, just outside a town called Kinder, and 906 cycling miles from the start in St Augustine. The next four days cycling will take us to Houston with everything all being well. Whilst we are trying to follow the American Cycling Association’s Southern Tier Route we did not want to pass by great cities like New Orleans and Houston. So whilst we are in this neck of the woods our cycle takes quite a detour from the recommended route. It’s not all about the cycling. It’s actually all about cities and beer. So far, to be honest, the cities have been more memorable than the beer.

The weather has cooled, thank goodness, but that’s because its now raining. The last two days have been largely wet although, thankfully, we continue to miss the heavy thunderstorms. That said, at least the rain has given us the chance to test my new rain clothing.

I’m talking about the trousers of course. When cycling, full length waterproof trousers are an encumbrance and far too hot to wear. Now some cyclists will just say let your shorts and legs get wet. Well thats fine but they’re not cycling all day in the rain and perhaps day after day with wet shorts. So I’ve made us both a pair of waterproof shorts by cutting the bottoms off waterproof trousers. Simple idea but have you seen it before?  They work reasonably marvellously and look rather natty (now there’s a good word). Susan was even caught sitting in McDonalds with them on and it had stopped raining several hours ago. So an essential fashion item and good for spilt food as well.  I’m an ideas factory!

Our pedal through the rain has been fine and the drivers of Louisiana have, on the whole, been very good. Thank goodness. On one occasion we cycled along a fairly busy raised causeway (across swampland) on the inside lane of a dual carriageway with no hard shoulder. Visibility was poor because of rain and road spray and, I would say, it’s probably amongst the most nerve racking four miles we have cycled on all our tours. On another occasion, we cycled over the Huey P Long bridge leaving Baton Rouge.  It’s never, ever a bridge to cycle across.  Two fast lanes, no hard shoulder and bridge joints across the carriageway with gaps so big they can easily take a bicycle wheel out.  So, in the same day, we experienced our two most difficult stretches of cycling in over 14,000km to date.  It was a double measure of Tennessee whisky for me that night.

As we are touring, all our motels are on the edge of town so we can avoid traffic and its easier to get a ground floor room. That’s because one of our priorities is parking for the bicycle and, invariably the bike sits in front of the television and fridge.

As soon as the gear is unloaded and the bike settled down for the night we go to the nearest gas station. This is our standard daily purchase when we finish.

As you can see, food is not the priority at end of a cycle.

As I’ve said before, as we are at the edge of town, eating options are usually very limited. Dinner tonight was a pizza from the gas station and they actually did a fine job.

Fully loaded pizza, large 25oz can of Michelin Ultra (tasteless but inoffensive) and a carton of mixed fruit pieces whilst watching the live Kavanaugh Senate Hearing on television and we nearly have a nice ending to the day.

Nearly? Well it will be perfect when I open my bottle of Woodford Reserve Distillers Edition Kentucky bourbon. You just shouldn’t leave me waiting 10 minutes on a pizza cooking when the garage has an adjoining liquor store!

I think the 77 miles tomorrow to Orange, Texas, is now gong to be even harder than it should be!

Did you know, New Orleans was founded in 1718, by a Frenchman named Bienville, and named in honour of the Duke of Orleans, who was the Regent of France at the time.

It then passed to the Spanish for 24 years before being swapped back to France in 1803. Guess what the French did? They quickly sold it to the Americans for $15 million.

When I say France sold it I actually mean Napoleon. He wanted cash to build up his army and go on a bit of a rampage and whilst $15 million may not seem like a lot of cash it is equivalent to over $600 billion in today’s value.

For that the Americans not only got New Orleans – the ‘Louisiana Purchase’ as it was called included land from 15 present American states and 2 Canadian provinces.  Not a bad deal.

The US has never looked back since and Napoleon became an Emperor, caused a whole lot of trouble with the American money, invaded any country he could reach and didn’t stop until he was defeated at the Battle of Waterloo in 1815.

So you could say New Orleans was indirectly responsible for Napoleon’s reign and all the trouble he caused. I appreciate historians will probably disagree and say its a more complex picture than that but I know you’re the kind of person who prefers a potted history and, even with this version, you’re interest is seriously waning and maybe you’ve already scrolled onto the pictures below.

To start up your interest again lets talk about something close to everyone’s heart and the question on everyone’s lips – what’s happening to the front wheel spokes that big lardy has been breaking due to his excessive weight?  Yes i know you don’t say it but that’s what you’re thinking.

Well after a bit of internet research and a visit to a couple of bike shops we ended up at Bicycle Michaels in the French quarter in NOLA. Here’s Susan sitting in the bike shop tired and bored – she’s been in more bike shops this trip than she has in the rest of her life.

Yes, as you can see, its a proper job bike shop and the oldest bike shop in New Orleans. Michael took our wheel under his care and replaced all the spokes. This is the third bicycle shop the front wheel has been in and, hopefully, the last. Thanks Michael.

So what about New Orleans? Well I can’t tell you everything that happened in our three days as I’ve already spent too long talking about some interesting history at the beginning. So here’s a quick summary.

Friday night we went to the French Quarter where we listened to jazz and blues at countless venues including the famous Spotted Cat.

I couldn’t believe how many free venues there were in NOLA with live music at all times of the day. You can’t pass a doorway in the central area without music drifting out.

Saturday morning I took Susan to a festival – the annual Fried Chicken festival. What a treat!

I’ve already mentioned that sharing fried chicken is the way to a happy relationship. Well you cant imagine the bonus points your relationship gets if you go to a fried chicken festival with over 50 stalls producing some of the best friend chicken in the world!  In the world!  I’ll say that once again in case your skimming over this section (you must be a salad person if you are) – the best fried chicken in the world!

And don’t think its just chicken and chips – our first snack was chicken wings (spicy, battered and deep fried of course) with beignets (that’s small donuts to you) and covered with a sweet pecan caramel sauce. Cosmopolitan or what?

Saturday night we went down the touristy Bourbon Street where Susan turned into a beer monster like her husband.

In case you’re wondering, Susan hasn’t shrunk – that’s a two pint plastic cup of beer. Yes I know its plastic but most of my drinks are from McDonalds so a plastic cup suits me fine. I would actually now prefer if my beer had a plastic lid and a straw! Then, if they could just make it refillable I don’t think i would ever go back to the UK!

Now I know you’ve already had enough pictures of Susan and I’m in danger it of overdoing it like i did with the history but I’ve at least got to share her night out outfit for New Orleans – she really did make an effort!

I’m sorry I didn’t manage to get her legs in. Moving on, here’s some other sights and sounds:

 

Now here’s a picture of our friend Martin who we met briefly on our journey. Martin as you may recall cycled across USA from the west coast to NOLA and finished the journey from Jacksonville to NOLA. Here’s Martin at the finish in a typical heroic cycle pose. Well done Martin!

Now, here’s a man, at the same location, who’s had too many absinthe cocktails at the wonderful Bar Tonique – I think he’s lifting an imaginary bicycle. Thankfully due to the shadows we cant really identify who this man is.

And there’s something else I must share with you that I haven’t yet shared with Susan. Yes I know she’s going to read it now and there may be some consequences but listen to this.

I’m in Bar Tonique having a few absinthe cocktails as you do. Oh by the way, the two most famous cocktails in NOLA are the Ramos Gin Fizz and the Sauzerac – the Sauzerac is made with absinthe, of course. Now back to the story after another interesting and stimulating fact.

So I’m in the bar with Susan, we’re in the city of the dead, its a full moon night and I need to go to the gents. I’m doing what guys do at the urinal and look up at the wall (as we do guys) and there’s this written:

Yup! Exactly!

Now the more astute of you will be thinking – what’s he doing taking his camera out in a gents toilet but I had to photograph it just in case I met a gory end. You cant tell a man drinking absinthe on a full moon night in the city of the dead, married to a Susan that everything’s going to be okay after he’s read that warning! I’m still here, of course, but maybe that’s just because I now wear silver bullet around my neck.

Finally, I can read your thoughts yet again. You’re thinking, you’ve been to one of the best music cities in the world so what about a music video from one of those many venues you visited. Jazz, blues, skiffle or country?

Well I will give you music, real sweet music – a duet of Harleys in Bourbon Street, courtesy of NOLA’s finest.

 

Eh? Nuff said.

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We arrived at our hotel and Susan had me down in the foyer in time for the grand opening party at 4pm for drinks and canapé.  Whilst we were quite a bit underdressed in trainers and shorts we quickly relaxed once the champagne flowed.  When Susan misplaced her champagne coupe the ‘wine waiter’ brought her a plastic tumbler. Each filI saved him three trips and Susan is never classy when there’s free stuff on the go!

After having appropriated some free goodie bags and t shirts we settled down in another room and it kind of went downhill from there.  Firstly, there were free oysters and for twenty minutes I tested how fast an oyster shucker could shuck whilst his colleague poured champagne in a continuous flow into my never ending glass.  If you don’t do free oysters and champagne to an absolute excess you need a life coach 🙂

Incidentally, these oysters were from Murder Point. Apparently, in 1927 there was a dispute about a sliver of land in Alabama between the Lawson and Copeland families over an oyster lease. A Copeland beat a Lawson with a baseball bat, set him in a rocking chair (every porch here has at least one rocking chair) and then shot him on his front porch. It’s been called Murder Point ever since.  The company even inappropriately says ‘oysters worth killing for’.

We finished off the evening with more free food, beer, champagne.  The Henry Cooper knockout punch (for the information of American readers he is a legendary British boxer) came when we started on the absinthe cocktails.  New Orleans and absinthe are legendary partners arising from the French influences in the city.  Sun, cycling and absinthe meant it was time for bed and zzzzzz.  New Orleans proper would have to wait until tomorrow.

Leaving Bay St Louis just after sunrise we made great time on Highway 90 towards New Orleans. The front wheel, with one broken spoke, behaved impeccably and we cruised through the bayou to Louisiana, our fourth State on this tour.

An early lunch at a gas station allowed us to refuel with some fried chicken. Susan is not really a fried chicken person but she is married to a fried chicken person and, as they say, ‘caring is sharing’. I might have just made that saying up but it says it all – its not every guy that would share his fried chicken!

We soon hit the suburbs of New Orleans with busy traffic and no hard shoulder. The inner city of New Orleans, however, is quite pleasant with cycle lanes throughout the city. The locals are actually quite pleasant to cyclists. So far, on our tour, our brief passage through Alabama was the tops for cycling in terms of considerate motorists. Louisiana is good but we have a long way to go before we can pass judgment. Florida, however, was pretty pants and Marianna, Florida, you can hang your heads in cycle shame.

55 miles later we arrived at our hotel.

Now the balloons were not for us. Coincidentally, our arrival was the same day as the official opening day of this hotel and Susan found out there was a bit of a drinks reception with canapés at 4pm and guests were invited. To be honest, I think the bellboy just invited her but I’m the guy that shares his fried chicken and so she looks after me and I got an invite too. So listen guys if you want the secret to a happy caring relationship the answer is fried chicken. I know its hard to share that greasy spicy tasty morsel of food but if you do just watch the face of the woman you care about light up.

So after getting the bike folded and stored in our room we put on our best slightly smelly clothes and really pretty smelly training shoes and went to our canapé party. But that’s a story for the next blog as it’s now 3 days later and there’s still too many bars with beer, music and food calling for me. What a wonderful city.

As the New Orleans motto says ‘laissez les bon temps rouler’ (let the good times roll).

So good we named it thrice.

Ps. we tried the selfie ‘together’ picture but we couldn’t see the picture on the phone in the sunlight and the sweat was running into our eyes and the flies were biting.