Yo VIP. Let’s kick it. Salt salt baby.

We reached Uyuni after a hot 200 miles. On the way we met a local lady and her husband who wanted a photo of the bike. Susan duly obliged.

Then it was onto the Tonito Hotel in Uyuni.

Marvellous place with the best Pizzas in South America. I appreciate that context is everything and I may be losing my mind in the hot blistering sun but, regardless, they were damn fine pizzas. You may scoff at great pizzas in back of beyond Bolivia but scoff ye not because I present the evidence.

You see, the owner was American and has worked and owned pizza restaurants most of his life. Still not convinced? Then how about a reference from the great man himself, once the coolest restaurant reviewer in the world.

Please indulge me for a minute whilst I give a quote from Bourdain on the meaning of life.

‘Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold beer at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the rare steak. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have two. Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you but have a drink with them anyways. Eat slowly. Tip your server. Check in on friends. Check in on yourself. Enjoy the ride’. Anthony Bourdain.

If that quote doesn’t do it for you then just stick to 42. I’m fine with that too.

Moving on from Pizzas, let’s talk about why we were in Uyuni. In a word salt.

The town of Uyuni sits on the edge of the Salar de Uyuni, the world’s largest salt flat. Formed by the evaporation of prehistoric lakes, it consists of salt crust a few metres thick, covering nearly 10,000 sq. km. Following rain, a thin layer of water transforms the salt flat into the world’s largest mirror. Big enough even to see your …. (sorry if I finish this sentence Susan will just censor it so I may well as well stop there!).

So that’s the facts. However, we’re tourists and what do tourists do? They hire a guy in a ‘nature crunching jeep’ and tear over this natural wonder just to get a few ‘awesome’ photos. And today we’ve got such awesome tourist photos you’re going to be so impressed and so sad you missed out on this awesome salt ‘nature crunching jeep’ journey.

We started at a cemetery. A cemetery for dead trains.

Most of these guys are from Britain and were used to haul minerals such as gold, silver and tin from Bolivia to the Pacific coast. Then the War of the Pacific came along (1879-83) between Bolivia and Peru and Chile. It resulted in Chile annexing the coastal area and cutting Bolivia and it’s mineral industry off from it’s export route. The war put these big guys out of a job.

Over the years, more and more of these big guys came here to rest and their massive steel structures have been weathered down by a mixture of salt and strong winds. Rest in peace big guys. Casey Jones is waiting for you in train heaven.

Now back to salt, salt, baby and let’s start with a photo of me. Freakin’ awesome!

The Dakar Rally is the world’s toughest rally race and this salt monument commemorates it’s visit to Bolivia in 2016.

If you zoom in you will notice the old man beard has gone. I thought the white beard might clash with the white salt and photos would show me with the lower half of my face missing. You may laugh but it was a big sacrifice for my art.

Here’s our ‘nature crunching jeep’ and our fellow tourists. You have to admit we’re looking pretty awesome. Actually, if you look closely you will see four people doing the silly poses as instructed by the ‘nature crunching jeep’ driver. There’s only one person actually looking awesome. I will leave you to make up your own mind!

Let’s now have a photo of Susan with a salt flamingo balancing on her shoulders. What an awesome balancing act that was.

Then we went to an island in the middle of the salt flats where cacti thrive. We managed to get a great selfie of the pair of us.

The cacti were naturally quite awesome. Some were over 800 year old.

Giants standing guard over the salt flats.

We had lunch in the Salt Hotel where the walls and furniture are made of salt. Great spread provided by the ‘nature crunching jeep’ driver. Susan is laughing her head off – she’s just asked the ‘nature crunching jeep’ driver if he has any salt to go with the meal. Oh how we laughed for ages over that one!

Then it was a case of ‘you wouldn’t bloody believe it’.

That very morning I answered a comment from ‘Laid Back David’ on the blog. He asked me if we had seen any other touring cyclists on our journey. Well to date, in all our motorcycle travels, we had only seen a couple.

Oh you may be asking who is ‘Laid Back David’. Well he’s the proprietor of Laid Back Bikes in Edinburgh and is the guy that sold us the Nazca Quetzal tandem. He’s directly responsible for all the pain and suffering ‘oh poor Susan’ had to endure cycling across three continents.

So ‘Laid Back David’ asked the question and after my lunch in the Salt Hotel I walked outside and, lo and behold, I met Jo.

It was a slightly embarassing introduction from myself. I started off pretty confident as I had shaved off my beard and no longer looked like a potential seedy old man.

I saw the bicycle propped against the wall and approached the only girl in cycling shorts. That in itself is a risky move but I was confident in my new clean shaven wholesome look. ‘Do you speak English?’ I asked. ‘Well I hope so, I’m English’ Jo replied.

In hindsight it wasn’t the best question to ask someone from England, so as a footnote to myself, I’m reverting to my ‘do you come here often’ initial chat up line.

So this is Jo who has cycled from Boston and will sometime end up in Buenos Aires. She was cycling across the salt flats and had spent the night on cactus island in her tent. A very friendly person who must have astonishing strength and determination. We wish her well on her journey.

Now it’s time for more posed photos. I just know you haven’t had enough!

And here’s a photo representing my life on the road.

I can do videos too with my awesome temporary chums.

Then, as this awesome day drew to a close it became even more, can you believe it, awesome!

Just listen to this – ‘nature crunching jeep’ driver supplied us wellies and a picnic!! I bet you’re beside yourself with excitement to see the next photos.

Yup that’s me in black wellies and pink ones for Susan. ‘Nature crunching jeep’ driver really came through for Susan. I was quite taken aback thinking about all the other feet that had stood in these borrowed wellies over many years. It was like walking in history I thought. Absolutely welly awesome.

‘Nature crunching jeep’ man drove us to a part of the Salar where the salt was covered in water, opened out a picnic table with snacks and a bottle of Bolivian red. Nice.

And please, never say I’m not romantic.

Then the sun set.

And it was back in the ‘nature crunching jeep’ to our hotel and the best pizza in South America and draught IPA beer.

What an awesome day.

Salt salt baby.

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